Alone We Can Do So Little...

The lesson that came up repeatedly for me last week was, “Don’t do it alone.” Whether I was the coach or the client, it seemed like every session included this message at some point.

• One client told me the difference between him at his best and at his worst is whether or not he's isolating and burying himself in his work. He said the isolation is not good for him because he gets lost in the activities of work and forgets to pay attention to WHY he is doing it all (his family).

• I told my coach about struggling to keep my workout commitments, and she asked me, “Who could you turn to to help you figure this out?”

• I coached someone who said when she is off-center, one of the things she does to recenter herself is to spend time with like-minded people.

In each case, the answer was to connect to others.

I'm not saying we should never BE alone, just that life was not meant to be a completely solo act. Being by yourself is not the same thing as "doing it alone." Some of us really need that regularly scheduled time by ourselves to recharge and reflect. Sometimes there isn't someone there to turn to at the moment, and that's okay. Being independent is important. I lived alone a couple of different times in my life, and I really enjoyed having my own space. I enjoyed not having to answer to anyone. I learned how to cook a little better. (I also learned I'd rather eat out or have someone else cook, but I at least acquired the skill of following a recipe.)

Instinctively we know there is comfort in community. When we talk to people we think are hurting, we tell them, “You are not alone” or “I’m with you.” Something inside of us knows that this will comfort them. On the other hand, many of us seem to think that comfort is only for those who are dealing with large-scale, visible struggles, not for those of us simply trying to figure out how to schedule exercise into each busy day. We think we should somehow have all the answers, even though we recognize other people's need for support.

Alone, we can do so little; together, we can do so much. -– Helen Keller

That’s a big part of why I’ve worked with a coach for over a decade. I wanted someone to bounce ideas off of, to look for solutions with, but not to tell me the answers. Most importantly, my coaches give me a different perspective and help me figure out when to push through and when to ease up.

It's different than talking to a friend. The reason I love talking to friends when I have a problem is that they get right there next to me and tell me what I want to hear. They confirm my anger at someone. They remind me of times in the past we've gotten through things before. The right friends will even come on the insane adventure with me to make sure I come out alive. But my coaches challenge me in different ways.

A friend is great to have walking the path with me. A coach asks, "Have you seen this other path? Where do you think it might lead?"